The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are
A motivational and inspiring guide to wholehearted living, rather than just the average self-help book, with this groundbreaking work BrenĂ© Brown, Ph.D., bolsters the self-esteem and personal development process through her characteristic heartfelt, honest storytelling. With original research and plenty of encouragement, she explores the psychology of releasing our definitions of an “imperfect” life and embracing living authentically. Brown’s “ten guideposts” are benchmarks for authenticity that can help anyone establish a practice for a life of honest beauty—a perfectly imperfect life.
Now more than ever, we all need to cultivate feelings of self-worth, as well as acceptance and love for ourselves. In a world where insults, criticisms, and fears are spread too generously alongside messages of unrealistic beauty, attainment, and expectation, we look for ways to “dig deep” and find truth and gratitude in our lives. A new way forward means we can’t hold on too tightly to our own self-defeating thoughts or the displaced pain in our world. Instead, we can embrace the imperfection.
Reviews (210)
Wasn't a good fit for me at all
I had a really hard time getting into this one. I struggle a lot with feeling inadequate and not being "good enough" for others. I'm not married, don't have children, and it seemed that all she was talking about was mothers who struggle with not being able to do it all. Wasn't a good fit for me at all.
Awful!
What a trite, badly written, unhelpful book! I can't believe the author has a college degree and is a popular speaker. It's as though a Valley Girl has gotten her hands on 500 self-help books and cobbled them together into one. I could barely read it. If you know that most people in this culture suffer from poor self-esteem and that "self-hatred" seems to be an epidemic, looking at the culture itself might be a better way to go. The Dalai Lama was shocked when Western teachers asked so many questions about poor self esteem and inadequacy, unhappiness and insecurity. It's a particularly Western problem. This author has a major problem with overweening ego which is NOT the same thing as real self-confidence. So much defensiveness, so much self-promotion, so little real insight. This book is a big waste of money and time.
This woman has no idea what she is talking about.
From the fact that she seems to believe that the experience of a middle class white mom is universal to the part where she states something that is just not considered true in the field of psychology, Dr. Brene Brown proves she is absolutely clueless about humanity. This book will do nothing but waste your time reading long-winded, irrelevant anecdotes about Brown's life that read like passages from a failed memoir and then try to convince you that who you are is not your behaviors and choices, despite the fact that the field of psychology supports the idea that who you are informs your behaviors and choices and therefore who you are is defined by them. This rhetoric she teaches leads to extremely dangerous thought processes and consequences like people not holding themselves or others accountable for their actions because "their actions aren't who they are" and why should they apologize or correct a behavior that doesn't define them. Do not buy this book. Buy an actual workbook designed for mental health purposes.
Recent break-up, divorce, etc.? Make this your very first read!
Let me begin by stating where I was coming from, when I picked this book up. I've spent 11 years in the Army and done quite a few combat deployments. Moreover, I had recently been dumped in my 'perfect' engagement by my fiancee who had been cheating on me with a male coworker. So, this 'emotional' genre of reading isn't usually my thing and my sense of worthiness was very injured. I initially avoided this book out of concern that it was one of many under-evidenced self-help titles. Changing my mind on reading this was undoubtedly one of the best decisions I have ever made and I am a much better person for it. I don't guarantee very much, due to my skeptical nature; but, I think I can guarantee that something in this book will profoundly change you. Perhaps this was done by Dr. Brown's approach of confronting the 'things that stand in our way' of leading a 'wholehearted life'. This is important because thoughtful people need to confront these things in order to overcome them and develop not just a positive mindset; but, a *realistic* one that doesn't ignore the potentially negative cognitions that arise. Some of my PROs and CONs follow. But, allow me to be clear: if you have just been dumped, divorced, or experienced a break-up, then I think this is a great book for you. Some other titles like to do half-baked analysis of what happened between you two. Some of those books are like your own, highly-biased pep talker ("she was all wrong for you", "you're better off, now", etc.). While well-meaning, this can weaken you going forward. They sacrifice truth and accuracy for 'feel-good' support. Much has already been said about this book, so I've avoided a super thorough review. PROs -well-organized content. topics overlap somewhat (of course), but they are introduced in the form of very manageable daily 'guideposts'. -content is qualitative research-based. I think this is the right approach, since qualitative research is well-suited to derive meaning from the experiences of people. -writing style is down-to-earth, clear, and very humorous at times. -the book is relatively inexpensive. -the approach of tackling 'obstacles' of thinking that prevent wholehearted living. -realistic expectations of the results of reading this book. -comprehensive treatment of the elements of wholehearted living. -the persuasiveness of pretty much every guidepost. CONs -for the uninitiated (read: myself), I thought that guidepost 8 wasn't as clear in defining the concept of stillness. -umm.. I'll have to get back to you on this one. I would like to conclude with a few things that convince me that something in this book has made profound changes. First, I grew-up with a very domineering father and reading this book has made me truly comfortable with him for the first time in my life. Second, I NEVER danced at a bar without having some 'liquid courage' to prime me. After reading, I danced several songs (badly, of course ;-) ) and truly enjoyed myself. Third, because of my balding, etc. I always felt a little too self-conscious to dare flirting with some very beautiful ladies that I've met. Not any more. These are just a few thoughts, but I hope that they speak to someone out there.
This is Brené Brown telling you how important she is, as the world's preeminent "shame researcher"
...whatever that means. If she practiced what the subtitle says, "Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are," rather than droning on about her momentous speaking appearances and her "struggles" with how to define Shame, she would be a far more interesting writer. Her lack of connection to the real world is also exemplified by her style of writing--as some other reviewer said, there may not be another book written that contains more "I's" than this one little book. If you, a friend or a family member are suffering from anxiety of some sort, any self-help book by Claire Weekes is infinitely more helpful than this book.
Skip this and read DARING GREATLY
I read "Daring Greatly" about 6 months ago after watching Dr. Brown's TED talks and that book honest to goodness changed my life. I was excited to read this one, particularly because I found her discussion of perfectionism so helpful in Daring Greatly. I have to admit that as much as I still admire Brene Brown, I found this to be a watered down version of Daring Greatly and I kind of regret buying it (I don't regret READING it, but I do regret paying for it, and I don't feel that this improves my library). I found this was a little shallow and abstract, whereas Daring Greatly so eloquently and articulately put words to ideas we understand intuitively, and it really enhanced my emotional vocabulary. This book offered little in that respect. Some of it (shame vs guilt, for example) was redundant of Daring Greatly (and other texts for that matter) and her discussion of ideas like intuition, spirituality, and numbing were vague and unhelpful to me. She was mostly quoting other people's definitions and discussion of these topics, and while some the quotes were thought-provoking, I didn't feel that it really enlightened me. Her examples were also not as compelling in this text. It was mostly about her, and while some of the examples were useful and memorable, I came away feeling like she was painting a picture of her family rather than focusing on her research and data. Daring Greatly, on the other hand, was written in such an empathetic and compassionate way that I kept saying, "YES! That's me! She understands!" or "Wow! That's totally my brother-in-law!" It was like one light bulb after another going off. Reading Daring Greatly was so inspiring and healing. This book didn't have that same level of empathy and was missing that universal quality, focusing instead on examples that were auto-biographical. Some other reviewers said this read like a blog, and I have to agree. By the end of this book I didn't feel UNDERSTOOD like I did after reading Daring Greatly. I honestly felt that as I read Daring Greatly, Brene Brown was like looking inside me and having a conversation with me, even though she doesn't even know me. After reading The Gifts of Imperfection, however, I felt that I understood more about her and less about myself. There was also something a little kitschy about this. She had a section after each chapter called DIG deep where she listed ways that she tries to employ these strategies, and she often said "Amen" at the end of some quotes. While cute, it lacked the maturity and empathy of Daring Greatly. She was also a little judgmental in this book (towards others and towards herself) and I could ironically see her striving for perfectionism (like in order to be perfect she needs to become "wholehearted," so she is actively working to employ these strategies rather than actually embodying them). It is almost like by the time she got to Daring Greatly she was fully reborn and had reached that full enlightenment, and she was still working on getting there in this text. Additionally, unlike Daring Greatly, this reads a little bit like a checklist (see comment above) of things you should do: 1. don't be a perfectionist 2. Get creative 3. Rest and play 4. But don't numb 5. Dance like no one is watching you 6. practice self-compassion 7. Have faith. By the end I felt like I was being told what to do to be happy, as if it was a formula. While some of the advice was certainly helpful, it wasn't inspiring in the same way Daring Greatly was. Daring Greatly got at the heart of one's emotions. It talked about courage, authenticity, compassion (true ideals) and it showed how there is extraordinary in the ordinary. The Gifts of Imperfection seemed to get sidetracked by specifics (dancing, jewelry making, her childhood house in New Orleans) and it never reached that universality that was so healing in Daring Greatly. Lastly, this book was highly referential. As I said earlier, she quotes a lot of other people to get at defining abstract terms. She also references the work of many other psychologists, researchers, etc. For example, Kristin Neff and Marci Alboher. It isn't that I didn't appreciated her references, but this felt blog-like again: "Hey I read this and I LOVED this idea, check it out!" Or "this quote inspires me! Let me share." In contrast, it felt like Brene Brown had found her own voice in Daring Greatly, and no longer needed to continually reference others' work and could just share her research and the conclusions she reached from it. All in all, while The Gifts of Imperfection was a nice book that offered a little refresher of Brown's understanding of "wholehearted living" with some ideas about intuition and faith, creativity, and song and dance, it was not as sophisticated or inspiring as her latest book Daring Greatly, which really felt like a true culmination of her research and experiences. I'd skip this one; or at least just borrow it from the library...
Wonderful and Beautiful
Mrs. Brown is truly a story teller. I woke up at 2 am not feeling well from a cold, but emotionally is where I felt the worst. A few days of passing and I had enough of this feeling of self doubt. I may have quit if it was just pure research, but her countless stories of her own struggles were so easy to identify with. I'm just thankful I'm sick so my roommates couldn't hear a grown man's sniffling. I'm really kidding, I don't actually mind telling people I cry. Just thought it would be funny to include a piece on shame. For years I've used healing others in order to prove my own worth. I've dated purely in a way that I must help and heal them in order to feel my own place as worthwhile in the relationship. It doesn't allow me to get close because I'm lacking in authenticity and vulnerability. I may have felt that I was showing these people their worth, but really I wasn't showing them love. The part on faith will be hard for me I've always loved certainty and with emotional distant parents I've always held expectations of people leaving me. This book laid bare my struggles and I thank Brene Brown and my wonderful therapist for making it easy to unpack all of this in a digestible manner. Perhaps I'll finally get passed my compassion fatigue and truly love. One day at a time.
A non self help book
Written in a very juvenile pretentious fashion , all about the author herself đŸ˜´, simplistic silly fakely dramatic life examples, lacks professionalism , filled with glib preachy statements, a cheap effort on her part which didn’t come across as authentic and certainly didn’t help me at all.
A plus to have during a transition or just for life perspective.
Brené Brown shares so many amazing points but the biggest takeaway I got from "The Gifts of Imperfection" was that we all have something and it's ours. No one else has it. No one else can speak what we can, write what we can or dance the silly way we do. The perfection often lies in our imperfections and willingness to be vulnerable and put ourselves out there. Dance in the crowd that may judge. This book didn't 100% change my life but that's such a lofty achievement. This book planted a seed and with each action I took to water and feed that seed, it grew. As I read other books, I often thought back to this one and drew connections. It was one of the many books that stacked up to create an opening that I ripped open and stepped through.
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